The benefit of articulating our emotions with a heart-mindfulness technique.
In my clinic, I treat hundreds of women on their fertility journey. They regularly come in apologising for the way they are feeling, saying, ‘I am stressed’ or “I am too anxious’ or ‘I can’t stop worrying’.
I often also hear that friends and family advise to these women to ‘just relax’, ‘stop thinking about it’, ‘stop being so stressed’.
Being told ‘not to be so stressed’ helped nobody ever! It only adds into a negative cycle by creating more of the emotions that they are trying to overcome.
Stress is used as a ‘catch all term’, and doesn't really explain the emotions being dialled up. It is hard to get a resolve because it’s vague. To reduce stress some clarity is required.
Pinpointing the feelings more precisely and articulating them helps us get to know ourselves better, the angle of our perspective, how we are protecting ourselves, and start to answer what is really going on. I have created a way to do this, but first, we need to understand the following guiding principles.
You are not your emotions, but your emotions ARE yours to work with
Emotions are communication frequencies (energy) that can become stuck, they can flow again if we listen.
The fertility journey has emotions more complex than just ‘stressed’.
YOU are the captain of your emotional boat and you are the only one that can sail into smoother waters (and it might take a bit of paddling)
Through self enquiry and understanding we can find where the repetitions of thought are, where we have become stuck. With these realisations we can start to move and transform the emotional frequencies, regulating and re-establishing balance.
I have created an empowering heart-mindfulness technique that helps stop this negative cycle, enabling women to support their emotions along the rollercoaster ride of trying to conceive.
It gets under the skin of stress by being clearer about what we are feeling.
It uses a combination of techniques but fundamentally works from the five core elements and their associated emotions according to Traditional Chinese Medicine theory.
PINPOINT YOUR STRESS AND FEELINGS CLEARLY WITH THE FIVE CORE EMOTION ARTICULATION CHARTS
It’s not always easy to articulate what’s going on with your stress and emotions, especially when you are trying to conceive.
You may feel intense emotions that change over the monthly cycle, over an hour, a minute, or even a second and this may cause you to struggle to come up with exactly what you are feeling in words.
You may even feel a mix of emotions all at the same time.
Perhaps you are feeling a combination of joy for a friend who has told you she is pregnant but fragile and isolated from her at the same time because you are struggling with your own fertility journey and it is bringing up your grief.
You’re not alone in finding it difficult to pinpoint your emotions, they can be complex and challenging. You may also want to avoid them altogether. However, if you can be more specific with your identification of precise emotions, it is scientifically proven that you can help you become self -aware, more connected and self-compassionate.
Lisa Feldman Barrett a neuroscientist talks about emotional granularity and with high emotional granularity (ability to articulate your fifty shades of feeling crappy) you have a higher chance of regulating these emotions along with other benefits for a more satisfying life.
I have created the five core emotional bases according to Chinese Medicine which are related to specific elements. Wood/anger, Fire/joy, Earth/sympathy-worry, Metal/grief and Water/fear. I have then expanded their expressions to provide articulations of different aspects of each particular emotion to help identify and articulate exactly what is happening to you.
Traditional Chinese Medicine has a clear understanding of where different base emotional frequencies hang out in you. Fundamentally all emotions are GOOD. When they are in balance these vibrations have wonderful VIRTUES that support you physically, emotionally and spiritually, making you feel well and allowing you to embrace all life has to offer. However, when they become weak or too stuck, they are communicating that they are not doing their job optimally and by listening you are able to re-establish certain positive aspects in your life.
SO ALL EMOTIONS have positive virtues as well as negative expression. The inner two rings demonstrate the expressions and the outer ring highlights the virtues the emotional energy is seeking to create in your body and world.
By identifying precisely which emotions you are feeling you can HELP TO REGULATE THEM. Give them space in the present moment. In the ‘here and now.
TAKE ANGER AS ONE EXAMPLE
ANGER is associated with the wood element. It's energetic virtues lie in its need to move you forwards like a warrior. When in balance it helps you to grow, have hope and purpose, providing structure and clear focus.
You feel assertive. You are flexible and can flow in life and in your body, you are organised and have a good capacity for determining correctness and a resolve to see this carried out with justice.
ANGER is an expression of the liver, but, because it likes to move forwards it can get stuck when it's not allowed, causing these less comfortable emotions articulated in the two inner circles of the chart In your body it may tighten your muscles and jaws, it can create headaches and pain.
It's easy to feel stuck on the fertility journey. You may not be able to move forward so it is totally appropriate to feel an expression of this anger energy out of balance in one articulation or another. The key is to understand this energy’s needs to move forward and to offer it a way to do so.
In my Harmony qigong and Heart-mindfulness sessions I teach practices that help to move stuck energy, find stillness and release emotional tension.
It's easy to feel stuck on the fertility journey. You may not be able to move forward so it is totally appropriate to feel an expression of this anger energy, out of balance, in one articulation or another. The key is to understand this energy’s needs to move forward and to offer it a way to do so.
I use the emotion articulation charts to help build your emotional resilience on the fertility journey with the SPACE heart-mindfulness technique.
If you would like to try this technique I will happily send you more detail, go to my website katefreemantle.co.uk and get in contact and I will send you some information over. I offer bespoke programmes to help women naturally cultivate their fertility and reduce stress.